Sometimes I like to fool myself into thinking that because I'm almost 25 years old, all of the things that used to bother me when I was a teenager don't apply to my life anymore.
What a load of crap.
As I was riding around Flatwoods on my bike last night, I was thinking about how no matter how old I get, or how mature I believe myself to have become, or how much I think I've left insecurities in the past, they're all still there, waiting for me to feel some tiny weakness so they can wiggle their way back into my subconscious.
It was around mile 7 when I realized that one of these old friends, good ole' comparison, had hitched a ride with me. I had spent the past 4 miles being annoyed with myself about the fact that no matter how hard I peddled, I was never going to catch up to Andy who was half a mile ahead of me. I was frustrated beyond belief. Why couldn't I, the girl who wakes up early to go to the gym every morning, who runs mile upon mile each week, catch up to my husband?
As I biked, and grew increasingly agitated, I realized I was comparing myself to Andy. Why did it matter if he could bike faster than me? It was a beautiful night and I was getting a great workout and should have been able to appreciate that.
I allow myself to spend so much time and energy dwelling on how I'm not measuring up to others when I should just be focused on my own successes, my own set-backs, my own experiences. What happens when I do compare myself to someone and find myself to measure higher than them? That isn't going to make me a better person and that isn't going to push me to work harder.
It was then at mile 7 that I kicked comparison off on the trail, to hopefully not find his way back for a while. I kept pedaling and enjoyed the rest of my ride without worry of how far behind Andy I was, and focused on moving my pedals forward.