Trusting the Seasons
I like seasons. Football season, pumpkin season, fall season, I love it all. Seasons that push me beyond my comfort zone and make me question myself and my abilities? I like to stay as far away from those as possible.
The "season" I've been experiencing in August has latched onto me, here to stay until I toughen up and work my ish out in both my personal and work lives. And it has been every bit as draining as I anticipated. I went into the first and second weeks praying to God to give me the strength to get through my days and to help me wake up for my morning self-care time at the gym before heading into a long day at work. What actually happened? I slept in and skipped my workouts, getting some much needed extra rest but feeling guilty for being lazy and still drained.
So I readjusted my thinking and headed into week three, praying to God to help me know when too much was just too much. I kept thinking, "this week can't possibly be more challenging and exhausting than last week; it's just impossible". How laughably wrong I was. Week three held some extra work events, some missed friend-time, and little alone time with my husband. One night that week had me crying to my husband, admitting to how inadequate I felt to handle my job and all of the tasks piling up on me.
I finally had a breakthrough the next afternoon. I'd slept in and skipped yet another morning workout so I'd dragged my exhausted, frustrated butt to the gym to try to run a couple miles. I thought it would be miserable, miles of my feet dragging and counting down the minutes until I finished, but it was actually the opposite. I had nothing else to think about other than how frustrated I was and had no one to talk to about it except God. Once I finally took the time to talk to Him about how I was feeling, how I felt like I couldn't keep up with all the demands being put on me, how I felt like I was drowning, it was like a wall broke down in front of me. I pounded out the miles easily, all the weight that had been piled on top of me finally coming off. I went home feeling better than I had all month.
Heading into my last week of August, the finish line of this marathon of work and personal events finally in sight, I'm trusting in God in ways I wasn't in the previous weeks. Trusting that He has equipped me to deal with the challenges; trusting that He will put the right people in my path to check in on me when I'm needing it; trusting that it will all be over soon.